Five Years
by TheAntiMage
Summary: Five years, a bit of faith, and pure unadulterated coincidence was all it took to bring the two boys back together again. Everything was so different this time, that much was obvious. But one simple thing remained the same, as much as they both denied it. Simon needed Baz, and Baz needed Simon. The question was, would they let each other in, or were they truly doomed?
1. Chapter 1

_**Five years, a bit of faith, and pure unadulterated coincidence was all it took to bring the two boys back together again. Everything was so different this time, that much was obvious. But one simple thing remained the same, as much as they both denied it. Simon needed Baz, and Baz needed Simon. The question was, would they let each other in, or were they truly doomed?**_

 **Simon**

I eventually dragged myself from beneath my warm duvet, showering and changing in the bathroom, the fresh smell of my hoodie making me smile. Penny had done my laundry, again. I really needed to thank her more often. I unlocked the bathroom door and dumped my pyjama bottoms on my bed, sighing immediately at my ridiculousness. I was home alone, as I was every morning, but I still couldn't bring myself to change outside the bathroom. Why, you may ask? My answer - Baz. Baz was my only explanation. Eight years of sharing a room with him had more of an effect on me than I ever wanted to admit, and the thought of dressing out in the open was utterly unbearable to me. Not any more. I mean when we were together I got dressed in front of him thousands of times, and he in front of me. But things were different now, I was no longer who I was when I was with him, but the person I was before him. The scared, nervous young boy in the Watford uniform, sharing a dorm with his 'arch-nemesis.' The same arch-nemesis I then proceeded to date for a year, the arch-nemesis I thought was my whole future. Crowley, I spent an alarming amount of time thinking about Baz. In fact, a day didn't go by without the pale bastard popping into my head. Pathetic? Maybe. Uncontrollable? Definitely. My therapist said I needed to let go, that five years was too long to still be clinging to the past. She also suggested however that I buy a cat to fill the void, so I figured I shouldn't take all her advice on board...

I grabbed my phone to distract myself, being greeted by a new text from George. We had met two years earlier, long after my break-up from Baz. He was the first person I was with after Baz, and not comparing the two had always been hard for me. It was completely unfair on George, I knew that, but it was impossible for me not to. Every little thing he did, even as small as folding a towel, or ironing a shirt, made me think of the way in which Baz did such activities. Needless to say, Baz always held the top ranking in my mind, and probably always would. 'Fuck,' I exclaimed , he was back in my mind just like that. It wasn't my fault, spending a whole year of your life with someone can have that affect on you. I often thought about what Baz was up to now, if he thought about me as much as I did he. Obviously not, nobody was as sad and pathetic as I was. He was probably off in some exotic country, with a handsome man and plenty of money. Crowley, back to George. We met in a bar, and started dating not long after, realising quite quickly we had a lot in common. He was a mage, attending Westin's Magickal College in Canada and moving to London for Uni. I mean it took me a year of dating a male vampire and five years of magickal counselling to realise that I did in fact want to identify as gay, and it was probably the most relieving decision I had ever come to. It made me feel free, it made me feel happy, and it rid me of one of my 100's of problems. George and I had been dating for almost two years, and while he knew that I was no longer a magician and that I had an alarmingly large pair of wings on my back, there was an incredibly large amount about me he didn't know.

He knew nothing of how I lost my magic, though that was surprising considering how public the case had been. I guess British news just wasn't talked about in Canada, not that I was complaining. He also knew nothing about my relationship with a certain flawless vampire, because even after all that time, it still felt too private to share. I liked the fact that every single detail of mine and Baz's spectacular year together remained between us. Every kiss, every hug, every whispered 'I love you' was as intimate then as it was when it was happening. Neither had he any idea that I was plagued with nightmares every single night, and that my anxiety had only gotten worse since I separated from the boy I thought was the one, the only boy who could ever calm me down when I woke in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and paralysed with fear.

I pulled my brain back to reality, grateful that Penny had cast a spell on my wings and tail before she left. Hiding them had become just another morning routine, as engraved in my brain as brushing my teeth and showering. When I was with Baz he made it his mission to make me love my wings and tail, saying they were just another perfect part of me. Now that I wasn't with him anymore, that reassurance was gone, and I was back to treating them like a dirty secret. I grabbed my bag and was walking through the kitchen toward the apartment door when I spotted a reminder sticker on the fridge./p

Starbucks. 11am.

Shit, of course, how could I have forgotten? My ex-girlfriend was in London for the week and I had promised her I would meet up for a coffee. Someone remind me why I did that again? Don't get me wrong, for a while I really loved her, for years in fact. But that was a lifetime ago, and honestly as soon as she found out about Baz and I, she wanted nothing to do with me. She found out about Baz and I only a few months after I had lost my magic, a few months after she ran away when all we needed was her help. I forgave at the drop of a hat, because as Baz so nicely put it, I'm a bit a pushover. I'd always remember the conversation we had when she found out. I say conversation, when really it was a lot of her yelling and me sitting there, clinging to Baz and trying not to cry. 'You're not even gay...You dated a girl,you dated me, for years... You're lying to yourself and to everyone else.' We hadn't spoken for years, but when she texted me asking to meet up I found myself unable to say no, just like I always was when we dated. I had no idea why she would want to see me, considering how rocky our past was, but I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, yet again.

I glanced at my watch and grimaced, it was already five to eleven. I sighed heavily and made my way out the door, down the elevator, walking straight into the Starbucks that was so conveniently located right beside our apartment complex. I spotted Agatha almost immediately, her stunning looks clearly not fading over the last five years, making her immediately stand out. I slowly moved towards her, tapping her gently on the shoulder. 'Simon!' she exclaimed loudly when she spun around, standing quickly and flinging her arms around my neck. I hugged her back awkwardly, everyone knew I wasn't exactly the best with physical contact. You were when it came to Baz, the voice in my head mocked, the same voice that had been taunting me ever since the break-up.

I smiled weakly back at the girl standing before me, her presence dragging a thousand memories to the forefront of my mind. 'How are you?' she smiled, seemingly genuine. Strange, I thought. 'How's George?' she added, and there it was. The bitterness and resentment she clearly felt towards me was as apparent as it had always been since she discovered I was gay. I ignored her tone, responding with a simple 'fine, and yourself?' before sitting across from her and sighing once more. This was going to be a long morning.

Three hours and four strong cups of coffee later I had learned all about Agatha's life in America. She had a new boyfriend, Brett, I think, who wasn't magickal of course. As if she would have it any other way. As soon as she ran away from us that night at Watford she decided to pretend magic didn't even exist. Meaning she snapped her wand, threw out all her textbooks, said goodbye to her friends and family, and moved to California. She seemed genuinely happy, and for that I was honestly glad. I never wanted any animosity between us, all I had ever wanted was her friendship. Of course it must have been hard for her to hear that her long term boyfriend was gay and dating his vampire room-mate, who was coincidently, a bloke. Oh and his sworn enemy, let's not forget that. Of course it angered me that anytime I tried to mention George she changed completely, becoming cool and distant. I knew however, that this was how it would always be, and I found myself really not caring. I didn't need Agatha's approval to be happy, I could do that without anyone's help these days.

I excused myself a little while later, heading to the bathroom to take a breathe and think. The day wasn't going as god awful as I was expecting, and honestly it was nice to see Agatha again. My therapist had told me that familiarity is important in dealing with the struggles of the past. Crowley, what did that even mean? I gripped the sides of the sink and looked at myself in the mirror, barely recognising who looked back. I had changed so much over my 23 years, and I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing. My blond locks now tumbled over my forehead. I no longer shaved my hair every year, I had no reason to do so anymore. I was covered in even more small moles, the little 'beauty marks' as Baz once said, littered my face and neck. My cheeks were pink and flushed, making me look much younger than I really was. My eyes, however, were what looked really different, wiser, more experienced, sadder. I guess the reality of life had caught up with me.

I wondered what Baz looked like, and then I stopped myself, because I was no longer allowed to wonder that. I exited the bathroom swiftly and went back to the table I shared with Agatha. 'If you want,' I said, 'you can come back to my place, I'm sure Penny would love to see you.' That was a lie, but I just didn't want to be rude, which was so typical of me. Penny would never speak to me again if I brougth Agatha home, in her eyes Agatha may as well have been dead, the lack of care she had for her. However I had done it anyway, because I'm Simon, and I speak before I think, as Baz used to love to remind me.

Ever since the night I had lost my magic, all those years ago at Watford, Penny and Baz had hated Agatha. And I don't just mean the odd flyaway comment about the golden haired girl, I mean burning rage, pure unadulterated hatred, something the pair loved to bond over back when Baz and I were together. They could spend hours at a time on the couch, coming up with as many insults and crude names to call Agatha as possible, almost allowing the whole thing to turn into a competition. I mean they really came up with some hard hitting comments, and by the end of their little sessions they would both end up in stitches, falling off the couch with laughter. I mean I was never one to hold a grudge, and found it impossible to get involved myself, but I would be lying if I said some of the things the two came up with didn't make me laugh. Turd sandwich, douchenozzle and turtledick were just a few of my personal favourites. It may seem immature, but those nights, curled up between Baz's legs as he and Penny spewed insult after insult at the girl, those nights are the nights that brought me more laughter than any other.

I could tell Agatha wanted to say no, but she nodded politely instead and we headed towards the door, an awkward silence settling in the air between us. I held the door open as she walked out, rolling my eyes at her lack of gratitude. Manners were never exactly Aggie's strong point. 'So,' I began nervously, finally building up the courage to ask the question I had been wanting to ask since I walked through the doors to the cafe. 'Why did you want to meet up with me? I mean don't get me wrong, it was great to catch up, and I'm so happy that you're happy, but why? I thought you hated me Aggie.' I cringed at how pathetic I was allowing my voice to sound, nerves and embarrassment seeping into every word I uttered.

'I could never hate you Simon. Never. When I found out about- about you and Baz, I'm not going to lie, I was hurt. And I was confused. And I was angry. But never, not for one second, did I hate you. I was utterly in love with you, how could I possibly hate you.' I looked at her as she uttered the words, the two of us slowly making our way up the flight of stairs to the apartment.

'And I loved you. You know I loved you.' I whispered. 'I would have done anything for you. Anything. I never meant for anything to happen between Baz and I - it just did. And honestly, I'm not going to apologise. I love- I mean I loved him, and he made me happier than I have ever been. I'm not going to say sorry for being happy, Ag, I just can't. Agatha slowly nodded in response, allowing my words to wash over her. 'I don't expect you to apologise Si. If anyone needed to apologise right now, it's me. That night, at Watford, that night is the biggest regret of my life. I ran away. I fucking ran away, and Crowley do I hate myself for it. My friends needed me, and what do I do, I turn and I run. Typical Agatha, right? I'm so sorry Simon, I'm so so sorry. If I had any clue of what was to come I would never have left, please believe that.

I grabbed her by the arm then, pulling her towards me and engulfing her in a hug, her arms immediately wrapping around my waist. Crowley, this day was just getting weirder and weirder. What next, a dragon bursting through the stairwell window? Honestly, nothing would surprise me at this point. Agatha and I stayed like this for a long time, her tears soaking the back of my no-longer-so-fresh hoodie. The awkwardness in the air had dissipated, forgiveness and relief taking it's place

But of course, because I'm Simon Snow, and my life never runs smoothly, the feelings were short lived. Agatha and I pulled apart at the sound of the apartment door being flung open, a very confused and very very angry looking Penny standing in the doorway, hand on hip. A glass of wine hung limply in her hand, her hair pulled into a bun and her cookie monster slippers adorning her feet. Shit, had we interrupted her 'Penny time?' Every Friday afternoon Pen had the afternoon free, which she used to unwind, read a book and relax. Also known as 'Penny Time. It was bad enough that I had brought Agatha here, the fact that it was on a Friday afternoon made it a million times worse.

I flashed her a nervous smile, waving my hands around Agatha awkwardly. 'Look who I found.' I squeaked out pathetically, wishing I could be anywhere but there at that moment. Penny's jaw was almost on the ground, anger seeping from every pore in her body. I nudged her gently, making way for myself as I pulled Agatha inside with me. 'I'll pop the kettle on then, shall I?' I called, dragging the blond haired girl down the hallway and leaving Penny stuck in the same position, struggling to get any words out.

Agatha followed quietly, waiting until we reached the kitchen to grind to a halt and grab my arm, holding it in what I liked to call her 'iron grip.' Wow, it had been years since I'd last had to deal with that unpleasantness. 'What the fuck Snow?' She hissed. ' What happened to the whole Penny being happy to see me thing?' I grimaced at the use of my second name, only Baz was allowed to do that. I once more grinned nervously, scratching the back of my neck. 'Ya well um... about that... Penny, well sh-she... she may not be your biggest fan.' As the words left my mouth the front door slammed shut, Penny's fast footsteps echoing down the hallway. Agatha groaned, leaning against the countertop helplessly. What the fuck had I let myself in for?


	2. Chapter 2

Penny's P.O.V

Seriously? I mean really? What had I done in another life to deserve this? I knew Si didn't often use his common sense, if at all, but this really took the biscuit. He knew how much I disliked Agatha, how much time Baz and I used to spend moaning about her - Jesus, it was the glue that held our friendship together. And yet who do I open the door to during one of my few moments of relaxation? The princess herself, looking as picture perfect as ever. We all sat awkwardly at the breakfast bar, tension filling the air, growing thicker by the second. My hands wrapped around my mug, hoping the scent of my favourite herbal tea would calm me down. No such luck. So much for Penny Time. All I had wanted to do was finish my coursework and video chat with Micah, was that really too much to ask for? Of course it was, when it came to Simon, peace was hard to come across.

Agatha glanced nervously between Simon and I, her slim fingers running through her long locks repeatedly. She really hadn't changed at all, aside from perhaps slightly more tanned skin and the complexion of somebody who had been living in a sun soaked country for years, an unachievable feat when you lived in rainy London. My eyes dropped to my own hands, pale and cold, and I sighed gently. It had been so long, so so long, and yet five minutes with this girl and I was back to feeling insecure and ugly. And Simon wondered why I had such a problem with her. I spent eight years being compared to the Golden Girl, having to stand next to her in every school photo, having to go dress shopping with her for every formal, having to eat every meal with her. And yet never, ever, feeling anywhere near good enough. I could hardly look at her, all the feelings of inadequacy threatening to come back to the surface. That is why I hated her. Well, I mean that and the fact that she basically left Simon for dead, but you know.

I studied Simon's face carefully, not failing to pick up on the anxious flittering of his eyes, the constant licking of his lips, his fingers trembling slightly as he drummed on the counter top. No wonder he was nervous, the anger I felt towards Agatha in that moment was enough to make even the toughest recoil.

'I love the flat Pen,' Agatha stammered out, clearly tiring of the extensive silence. 'Did you decorate it yourself?' I slowly lowered my mug, my eyebrows raising in amusement. So this was how she was going to play it? As if nothing had ever happened? Okay, I could work with this.

I glowered at her, nodding curtly in response, wisps of hair falling into my eyes, while hers framed her face perfectly, just like it always had.

'Are you enjoying Uni?' She questioned, unfortunately failing to notice my coldness.

'Yup,' I spat, keeping my eyes on my tea. watching little ripples form as I dragged the mug across the counter top.

'How's Micah?' She tried again, her eyes never leaving my face. She smiled, but I could hear the underlying anger in her tone. Good.

'Fine.' I whispered, really struggling not to get up and walk out right then, but holding my ground all the same.

And that's all it took. Agatha;s eyes narrowed and she tossed her hair over her shoulder, her shoulders squaring defensively. 'Crowley Penny, is that really all I get? We haven't seen each other in years and you can't give me any more than one word answers? I'm glad to see you've really matured. So much for friendship.'

I laughed at this, a short, cold laugh. I noticed Simon's cringe immediately - he knew. It was my 'I'm about to lose my shit' laugh, one he was on the receiving end of many times. When he brought home a stray puppy that ended up having rabies, when he tried to bake cookies and instead caused a fire in the kitchen, when he spilled boiling coffee over my English Lit paper. And that's just to name a few.

'I'm sorry?' I snapped, allowing my anger to build. 'You wouldn't mind repeating yourself would you? For a second there I thought you were trying to blame me for being distant? You? But I must have heard you wrong, because that just wouldn't make any logical sense.

She rolled her eyes at this, all her patience slipping through her perfectly manicured hands. 'Don't worry Pen, you heard exactly what you think you heard.

'I appreciate that everyone is entitled to their opinion, and you know what? Considering you are the almighty Agatha Wellbelove, yours must be right. Of course you must think I'm in the wrong here, god forbid any burden fall on your shoulders. I mean sure, I'm the one who stayed and fought when Simon needed help the most. The one who physically and mentally could not move from their bed for months, let alone move to another fucking country. The one who still to this day has nightmares which perfectly recreate the two deaths I witnessed at the age of eighteen. The one who struggles to look anyone in the eye, who can barely hold a conversation without breaking down, the one who went from being top of her class to barely scarping through her exams. But no, of course, it's all my fault, I should be welcoming you into our home with open arms. Where are my manners, Crowley.' I didn't even realise I had stood, my chest heaving and my hands in fists by the end of my speech, my breath ragged. The pair in front of me stared like I was crazy, and truthfully, in that moment, I felt like I was.

Agatha's P.O.V

What the actual fuck?

Simon's P.O.V.

Well this is awkward...

The anger on Pen's face was indescribable, I had never seen her like that before, not even when I knocked the Christmas tree over with my tail and smashed her set of vintage baubles all over the floor. I cleared my throat gently, standing up beside her and wrapping my arm around her waist gently. I could see tears pooling in her eyes when I looked down, and I knew that the hurt and betrayal she was feeling far outweighed the anger, she was just good at hiding it.

She sniffled and grabbed the front of my tshirt, burying her face in my neck. I may not have always been good at comforting people, but when it came to Penny, I would have done anything to make her happy. Anything. She'd been the only constant thing in my life since I was eleven years old, the closest thing to family I'd ever had.

I reciprocated the hug, wrapping my arms around her waist tightly, one hand going to her hair immediately. I said nothing, just buried my face into the top of her head and let her be, let her cry, let every last sob leave her body. It took Crowley knows how long, but eventually her retching cries subsided to small hiccups and the occasional sniffle. I ran my hand up and down her back, my eyes glancing quickly to a very uncomfortable looking Agatha, her gaze focusing on just about everything but us.

Agatha's P.O.V

My anger dissolved as I watched Penny break down before my eyes, all of her usual fierceness and attitude crumbling and leaving behind a barely recognisable girl, a weeping mess. A mess I caused. Or at least contributed to. 'Penny please.' I whispered, 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I came to meet Simon today to apologise to him, because I knew he deserved it, and that it was long overdue. And nowhere in my selfish, self-obsessed mind did it come to me that you might be owed one to. And you are, of course you are. How could you not be? You are the smartest, strongest person I have ever, ever had the pleasure of knowing. And I tried to walk all over you. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm sorry, please believe me. For everything. For ever being rude to you back in Watford, for being jealous of you and Simon's friendship, for running away that night you all needed me. I'm sorry. Jesus, I am sorry.'

I breathed out at this, only just noticing the tears on my cheeks.

Simon's P.O.V

Why is everyone crying today? Isn't that usually my job?

Penny's P.O.V

I stared at Agatha in shock, not quite able to process the words that spewed from her mouth, flowing from her like something she had been holding onto for far, far too long. And then I nodded. I nodded, and I accepted, and I forgave, and I flung my arms around her in an embrace more meaningful than any we ever shared during our years at Watford.

Simon's P.O.V

Agatha ended up staying for dinner, and long after that. She smiled politely when I served my speciality; boiled eggs on cheese on toast. A mouthful, I know. But a delicious fucking one at that. She laughed at all my jokes, nodded along to all of Penny's stories, and promised to meet us for dinner the evening before she would be returning. When she left I lay on the coach and pulled Penny in for a cuddle, sighing happily as she nuzzled into me.

'Thank you for today. Thank you for forgiving her, You have no idea how much that means to me.'

'Of course I do,' she whispered back, 'that's exactly why I did it Si.' And with that she was out for the count, her head lolling back against my chest and her forehead clear from the worry lines that usually adorn her face. I carried her to bed, my clumsiness not making the job any easier, considering I stubbed my toe on the door and knocked over her lamp all in the process.

I went to my own room, pulling my phone from my back pocket for the first time in hours and wincing when George's name popped up on the screen. Seven missed calls. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Fuck. I dialled his number frantically and held the phone to my ear, crying out when it went to voicemail. I flung my phone onto the bed and sat on the edge myself, my head in my hands. I rolled up my sleeve gently and stared down at the once perfect skin, the only blemishes being my moles. I ran my fingers over the small bruises and burn marks, wincing at the pain of the scars and of the memories of how I obtained them. That night was horrific, and yet I was stupid enough not to answer my phone again? Perfect. George was going to kill me.., probably worse than before as well, last time I had only missed one call.

I willed myself not to cry as I climbed into bed fully clothed, all of earlier's joy being drained from me. My forearm still tingling from the sensation of my fingers from minutes before. I mean George was right, I always deserved it, I was a complete idiot. That still didn't make the pain any better though. I pulled the duvet up over my head, burying myself deep in the duvet and closing my eyes tightly, wrapping my arms tightly around my knees. It was nights like this that I really craved the touch of a certain vampire's hands, wrapped tentatively yet protectively around my waste, his warm breathe on my neck as he lulled me to sleep with I love yous and sweet nothings. I sighed and prayed, not for the first time, that morning simply wouldn't come, and I could stay in my dream world forever.


End file.
